Monday, December 14, 2009
Sheer Balance: 5 Behaviors of Manipulative People
5 Behaviors of Manipulative People
by Brett Blumenthal - Sheer Balance
Wed Dec 2, 2009 9:40am PST
Original Article: 5 Behaviors of Manipulative People by Brett Blumenthal - Sheer Balance
Many of us like to think the best of people. We like to think that they shoot straight and are forthright in their intentions. We also like to believe that they will ask for what they want and not resort to crazy tactics to get it. Unfortunately, however, there are times when we come across those who will do whatever it takes to get what they want…including manipulation. Being manipulated never feels good, but the worst part of manipulation is that often, we don’t even realize that it is happening. Here are a few ways to know if someone is trying to manipulate you:
1. Buttering You Up: To get their way, manipulators will often make you feel good so that they can then ask you to do something that they want. The person may first compliment you or tell you what a wonderful job you did on something. Making you feel good will, in their mind, make it difficult for you to say no…after all, you wouldn’t want to disappoint them or give them reason to think you didn’t deserve the compliment in the first place. What you can do: Return the compliments and the niceties before saying no.
2. Guilt: This doesn’t only pertain to Catholics and Jewish Mothers; guilt trips have been a successful manipulation tactic for centuries. The saddest part of this strategy is that the victims of this tactic succumb to the manipulators’ demands because they feel they HAVE to, not because they WANT to. In personal relationships, this sets up a co-dependency that is extremely unhealthy. What you can do: Ask the individual if they want you to do something because you have to or because you want to. If they say they want you to want to do it, tell them that you don’t and that they are trying to force you into something you don’t feel comfortable with.
3. Broken Record: Probably the most obvious of formats is the broken record tactic. If a person asks you enough or pushes their agenda enough…constantly repeating the question or request over and over again…in slightly different ways, the victim will inevitably give in and give them what they want. Oye! What you can do: Ask the individual what they don’t understand about the word “no.” Tell them that asking you over and over again isn’t going to change anything and that they are inappropriately over-stepping boundaries.
4. Selective Memory: This one gets me the most. You swear you have a conversation about a plan and everyone is on the same page, and then one day, the manipulator pretends to remember the conversation completely differently, if at all. What you can do: Record your conversations…seriously! Okay, maybe not. At least have a witness that you can count on to back you up if the person pulls this shenanigan. Call them out on the fact that they conveniently change the game to fit their needs.
5. Bullying: If a person doesn’t get their way, they make you out to look or feel like the bad guy…like you are the wrong one. What you can do: Be firm and tell them that their bullying tactics are inappropriate and unacceptable.
Keep your eyes open for these behaviors and continue to stand your ground to ensure that you aren’t a victim of manipulation. Have you seen any other types of manipulative behavior?
by Brett Blumenthal - Sheer Balance
Wed Dec 2, 2009 9:40am PST
Original Article: 5 Behaviors of Manipulative People by Brett Blumenthal - Sheer Balance
Many of us like to think the best of people. We like to think that they shoot straight and are forthright in their intentions. We also like to believe that they will ask for what they want and not resort to crazy tactics to get it. Unfortunately, however, there are times when we come across those who will do whatever it takes to get what they want…including manipulation. Being manipulated never feels good, but the worst part of manipulation is that often, we don’t even realize that it is happening. Here are a few ways to know if someone is trying to manipulate you:
1. Buttering You Up: To get their way, manipulators will often make you feel good so that they can then ask you to do something that they want. The person may first compliment you or tell you what a wonderful job you did on something. Making you feel good will, in their mind, make it difficult for you to say no…after all, you wouldn’t want to disappoint them or give them reason to think you didn’t deserve the compliment in the first place. What you can do: Return the compliments and the niceties before saying no.
2. Guilt: This doesn’t only pertain to Catholics and Jewish Mothers; guilt trips have been a successful manipulation tactic for centuries. The saddest part of this strategy is that the victims of this tactic succumb to the manipulators’ demands because they feel they HAVE to, not because they WANT to. In personal relationships, this sets up a co-dependency that is extremely unhealthy. What you can do: Ask the individual if they want you to do something because you have to or because you want to. If they say they want you to want to do it, tell them that you don’t and that they are trying to force you into something you don’t feel comfortable with.
3. Broken Record: Probably the most obvious of formats is the broken record tactic. If a person asks you enough or pushes their agenda enough…constantly repeating the question or request over and over again…in slightly different ways, the victim will inevitably give in and give them what they want. Oye! What you can do: Ask the individual what they don’t understand about the word “no.” Tell them that asking you over and over again isn’t going to change anything and that they are inappropriately over-stepping boundaries.
4. Selective Memory: This one gets me the most. You swear you have a conversation about a plan and everyone is on the same page, and then one day, the manipulator pretends to remember the conversation completely differently, if at all. What you can do: Record your conversations…seriously! Okay, maybe not. At least have a witness that you can count on to back you up if the person pulls this shenanigan. Call them out on the fact that they conveniently change the game to fit their needs.
5. Bullying: If a person doesn’t get their way, they make you out to look or feel like the bad guy…like you are the wrong one. What you can do: Be firm and tell them that their bullying tactics are inappropriate and unacceptable.
Keep your eyes open for these behaviors and continue to stand your ground to ensure that you aren’t a victim of manipulation. Have you seen any other types of manipulative behavior?
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Who I Am and What I Do
Who I Am and What I Do
I'm a frugal author and filmmaker, and I created this blog to share my creative writing and filmmaking tips that have helped me get to where I am now: the author of several scifi and horror novels and independent filmmaker with three feature films and several film shorts. I became a filmmaker to turn my novels into films, and to market those books by creating film shorts based on scenes from my novels and my unique characters, my Serial Killer and Vampire Guardian Angels (TM).
I don't have a huge budget, I use what I have, but I do employ some very talented actors and crew. I'm not a huge production company, but I do my own publishing, marketing, self-promotion, and publicity. I like to do a little of everything on my projects: act, write the music, film and edit. I constantly learn when I'm in front of and behind the camera. I learn by doing. I run myself like a business, and I have created a niche market for my works and a name for myself. I'm constantly working on improving, learning, and innovating. I use social networks and online video sites to market my works. My books and films can be found on amazon.com, and my films air on local cable TV.
I am very goal-oriented. I won't start something unless I know I can complete it or use it somewhere in my works. One of my pet projects is creating a creative writing student fund for students, which is in the works. I hope I can inspire more people to self-publish and create their own films, and learn how to DIY everything from marketing to publicity. I often share what I've learned or what I apply to my own projects in this blog.
I'm also a very simple and down-to-earth person. I don't live an expensive, celebrity lifestyle. I'm not materialistic and I would rather shop at Goodwill than at a high-end store. Call it frugal chic. I like to stick to the basics and to what is important to me. I live in Torrance, CA. I like the small town feeling: less crowded. I'm more of a homebody who likes to sit and work on the computer 24/7, or write, or film. I prefer to use social networking sites and email to communicate, and I publish my works digitally or on my blogs. I like to be portable, so I prefer little gadgets that emphasize some sort of efficiency and productivity like laptops and iphones. If I can save or manage my time with these, then it's worth it. Things like online backups and small, portable external hard drives are things I will spend on, but of course, as with any product, I do extensive research first. It's the same with cars. I like cars that I don't have to worry about messing up and that can
clean up easily, and that can hold a lot of equipment, actors, crew etc. In other words, i look for things that are useful. If I don't think I can make full use of it, I usually don't buy it.
The same goes with streamlining my life. I'm constantly working on keeping things simple. I also don't like having physical inventory, which is why I prefer to have downloadable digital version of my books and films, and any of my merchandise online. It makes things a lot more simpler and convenient. Basically I want to be able to live anywhere and promote my works as long as i have an Internet connection. :-)
I like to maintain a positive lifestyle. I make it a point to cut out the negative and stick with things that are motivational or that inspires self-improvement. I'm also very ambitious. I spend a lot of time doing research to solve a problem or to figure out a way to do what I need to get done on a project, or in my life.
My philosophy in life is simple: If you don't do something now, then when will you do it? I'd rather do 50% of something than a 100% of nothing. I don't like to look back and say I should have, could have, or would have. I don't like coming up with 20 excuses about why I can;t do something. And if you want to do something with your life, then find a way to do it.
And what is important is, I am doing what I love.
I'm a frugal author and filmmaker, and I created this blog to share my creative writing and filmmaking tips that have helped me get to where I am now: the author of several scifi and horror novels and independent filmmaker with three feature films and several film shorts. I became a filmmaker to turn my novels into films, and to market those books by creating film shorts based on scenes from my novels and my unique characters, my Serial Killer and Vampire Guardian Angels (TM).
I don't have a huge budget, I use what I have, but I do employ some very talented actors and crew. I'm not a huge production company, but I do my own publishing, marketing, self-promotion, and publicity. I like to do a little of everything on my projects: act, write the music, film and edit. I constantly learn when I'm in front of and behind the camera. I learn by doing. I run myself like a business, and I have created a niche market for my works and a name for myself. I'm constantly working on improving, learning, and innovating. I use social networks and online video sites to market my works. My books and films can be found on amazon.com, and my films air on local cable TV.
I am very goal-oriented. I won't start something unless I know I can complete it or use it somewhere in my works. One of my pet projects is creating a creative writing student fund for students, which is in the works. I hope I can inspire more people to self-publish and create their own films, and learn how to DIY everything from marketing to publicity. I often share what I've learned or what I apply to my own projects in this blog.
I'm also a very simple and down-to-earth person. I don't live an expensive, celebrity lifestyle. I'm not materialistic and I would rather shop at Goodwill than at a high-end store. Call it frugal chic. I like to stick to the basics and to what is important to me. I live in Torrance, CA. I like the small town feeling: less crowded. I'm more of a homebody who likes to sit and work on the computer 24/7, or write, or film. I prefer to use social networking sites and email to communicate, and I publish my works digitally or on my blogs. I like to be portable, so I prefer little gadgets that emphasize some sort of efficiency and productivity like laptops and iphones. If I can save or manage my time with these, then it's worth it. Things like online backups and small, portable external hard drives are things I will spend on, but of course, as with any product, I do extensive research first. It's the same with cars. I like cars that I don't have to worry about messing up and that can
clean up easily, and that can hold a lot of equipment, actors, crew etc. In other words, i look for things that are useful. If I don't think I can make full use of it, I usually don't buy it.
The same goes with streamlining my life. I'm constantly working on keeping things simple. I also don't like having physical inventory, which is why I prefer to have downloadable digital version of my books and films, and any of my merchandise online. It makes things a lot more simpler and convenient. Basically I want to be able to live anywhere and promote my works as long as i have an Internet connection. :-)
I like to maintain a positive lifestyle. I make it a point to cut out the negative and stick with things that are motivational or that inspires self-improvement. I'm also very ambitious. I spend a lot of time doing research to solve a problem or to figure out a way to do what I need to get done on a project, or in my life.
My philosophy in life is simple: If you don't do something now, then when will you do it? I'd rather do 50% of something than a 100% of nothing. I don't like to look back and say I should have, could have, or would have. I don't like coming up with 20 excuses about why I can;t do something. And if you want to do something with your life, then find a way to do it.
And what is important is, I am doing what I love.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Legal battles over e-book rights to older books
Another reason to DIY your film
Another reason to DIY your film: From the latimes.com, Universal asks producers to trim costs
Friday, December 11, 2009
Any Customer Service Job is Free Public Relations Training
Any Customer Service Job is Free Public Relations Training
In a way, it is. If you're an aspiring self-published author, musician, filmmaker or artist and you have a day job where you deal with the public, you might as well take advantage of this "free training". Why? Because publicists are expensive, and one of these days you may have to deal with the press on your own, and field inquiries on your own about your work. I've had friends who work in customer service positions who are artists and who grumble about having a day job, and I tell them there's opportunity there. What can you learn in customer service? It's public relations training, and even sales training Here's what you can learn:
-Professionalism
-How to market or talk about a product. This can definitely apply to the marketing of your own work. How do you talk about it? How can you help someone learn more about it?
-How would you respond to a difficult question?
-How would you respond to frequently asked questions?
-How would you respond if someone doesn't like what you do?
These are just some of the things that you can apply to your own work. Explore life and be inspired by everything around you. There are so many things to be learned from it, even from the most unexpected of places.
In a way, it is. If you're an aspiring self-published author, musician, filmmaker or artist and you have a day job where you deal with the public, you might as well take advantage of this "free training". Why? Because publicists are expensive, and one of these days you may have to deal with the press on your own, and field inquiries on your own about your work. I've had friends who work in customer service positions who are artists and who grumble about having a day job, and I tell them there's opportunity there. What can you learn in customer service? It's public relations training, and even sales training Here's what you can learn:
-Professionalism
-How to market or talk about a product. This can definitely apply to the marketing of your own work. How do you talk about it? How can you help someone learn more about it?
-How would you respond to a difficult question?
-How would you respond to frequently asked questions?
-How would you respond if someone doesn't like what you do?
These are just some of the things that you can apply to your own work. Explore life and be inspired by everything around you. There are so many things to be learned from it, even from the most unexpected of places.
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